It’s Gonna Be A Thing

This came from a misunderstanding, and evolved to be something wonderful enough that I decided I wanted to elaborate on it more. A quick disclaimer: a lot of credit for this idea goes to fellow students.

Short and simple, this is a new way of ranking awesomeness, by using materials, namely materials you wear. Below is the hierarchy of fabric awesomeness:

1. Silk - used for the highest level of awesome.
2. Cashmere
3. Velvet
4. Cotton - fairly practical, average. Generally necessary.
5. Polyester
6. Wool
7. Burlap - the penultimate un-awesome.
8. Barrel - reserved for the embarrassingly un-awesome. Sarah Palin is a good example of something that is Barrel Awesome.

There was some struggle in trying to decide what fabrics to include, and which ones not to, because of course there are many others not listed which can be used for the same purposes (i.e. linen, rayon, hemp), but keeping it simple and easy to remember I think is key. People should feel free to improvise, as long as it’s clear what the kind of fabric you are using should be signifying. I also tried to keep it as generic as possible. Some people might prefer wool over cotton (don’t ask me why), but I took into account - as unbiased as possible - that wool is an animal product, does not breathe as well as cotton and tends to cause itchiness. Objective observations such as these can be applied to the entire list, but I will not bore you by going through them all. You’re not dumb, no doubt you can figure out why silk is #1, etc.

Just for kicks, here are some applicable examples of things that fall into each of the categories:

1. Silk: Vegetarianism, world peace, universal love, Harry Potter
2. Cashmere: Titanic, hybrids, Disney World, Nutella
3. Velvet: Stuffed animals, hot chocolate, yoga, aluminium water bottles
4. Cotton: Pants, sunscreen, maps
5. Polyester: Dentists, celery, Keanu Reeves, wet socks
6. Wool: Carpenter ants, Snakes on a Plane, broken bones, bell peppers
7. Burlap: Hurricanes, homelessness, Rush Limbaugh
8. Barrel: Factory farms, Global Warming

Trust me. It’s gonna be a thing. It’s silk!

Am I overdoing it with the obnoxious titles?

I don’t understand the point of having one letter in the alphabet make two different sounds - particularly when another letter is made SPECIFICALLY for that sound.

Don’t get me wrong, I do like the letter “c”. It’s in my name… But it really has no business doing anything without an “h”. We have “s” for the “sss” sounds, and we have “k” for the “kuh” sounds. All we need “c” for is “ch”. In fact, might as well just change the “c” letter to be a “ch” sound all on its own.

Also, “g” only needs to be there for the hard “guh” sounds we can’t get from any other letter. “J” is always there for us when we need a “juh”.

I have no problems with words being spelled with an “i” before the “e”. It’s just, that expression that needs to STOP being a thing.

I believe the complete mnemonic is “‘I’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ or when sounded ‘a’ as in ‘neighbor’ and ‘weigh’.” (Need to get rid of that “g” in “weigh”…)

This is stupid and should not be taught (or should I say “taut”) to our children. I can think of several examples right (rite) off the top of my head that have an “e” before the “i”, and none of the exceptions are valid. In fact, I can probably think of more with “ei” than I can with “ie”:

• weird
• atheist (or theist for that matter)
• seize
• their
• height
• either/neither

This is one thing in the English language that is just plain annoying.(Admitedly one of many, unfortunately. More to come on that.)

My plan (and I need your help to make this a thing) is to eliminate “gh” from our language except in cases of “ghost” or other words that actually pronounce the “g” sound.

For example:

“through” would be = “thru” (do we need the “o” too?)

“thought” = “thot” (or if you’re really attached to the “u”, then “thout”)

“trough” - “trof” (or “trouf”, again with the “u”)